Rumplestiltskin Noir Chapter 2

Benny is one of those pawn brokers that exist in every major city at any time, in any existence. He’s a cheat, a charlatan, he’ll buy or sell anything that isn’t nailed down, and if he can pry up the nails he’ll sell them too. He’s short wirey and green like almost every goblin and he has a tendency to wear an old battered fedora that makes him look like Humphrey Bogart if Bogart was a frog. His shop is filled to the rafters with everything from Hearts, Stars, and Horseshoes, to the gossamer wings of Pixies trying to make rent and the shattered dreams of children. Everything has a price and if Benny can make a profit anything can be sold.

Benny and I go way back, and we’ve been friends or enemies for the better part of our entire existence. When you are the last detective in Faerie sometimes your enemies turn out to be your best friends. So when I walked into his shop I was surprised to see the little bastard wasn’t behind the counter where he normally was. Instead a rather large fellow in a cheap suit was sitting behind the low slung counter, the gun evident in his pocket and his gorilla like demeanor pegged him as hired muscle, for whom I didn’t know and I certainly hoped I wouldn’t find out. But being the reckless and carefree kind of fellow that I am I approached the counter anyway and cheerfully asked where Benny was. The gorilla in the three piece simply glared at me, his bloodshot eyes trying to bore a hole in my head.

I decided to wait it out, since Benny wasn’t likely to be gone long, after all you can’t turn a profit when you aren’t at the store and decided to browse around the shop for any supplies I might need in the coming days. You can never have too many tricks up your sleeves especially when you are dealing with Nobs. I dug through all the mess lining the shelves and unearthed a few gems that might be worth the effort of haggling with Benny. And as soon as I had completed my shopping the back room opened and one of the fattest creatures I’ve ever seen came trundling through the door surrounded by a haze of bluish smoke and the sounds of quiet sobbing.

The fat creature saw me before I could duck behind one of the many shelves and waved me over its grotesque face split into a wide mirthless grin.

“Stilskin me ol’boy what brings a troll like yourself to this useless little establishment? I hear you’ve got yourself a new gig working for one of the Nobs, very nice, but be careful I hear those bitches up there can be real mean if you know what I’m saying. If you ever need any information be sure to drop by and have a word with your old pal Fats it won’t cost you too much.” The words were said in such a rush that I though the giant creature was going to deflate by the time he was done. But the bastard just kept going and once he finished he roared out the most hair rising cackle this side of the gray.

As Fats and his hired goons exited the store I was left to deal with the mess they made in the back room. I made my way behind the counter and into the back of the shop where I found a badly beaten Benny lying in a pool of his own bluish blood. I quickly fetched a towel and began to soak up the blue liquid before I started tending to Benny’s wounds. He was pretty banged up but as I began to look him over the swift healing of the Goblin race kicked in and Benny started knitting back together in an alarming rate. Knowing the penchant for goblins to eat anything in sight after an intense healing I immediately moved out of the way and found a large bowl of what I hoped were leftovers in Benny’s fridge.

As the little green pawn broker regained consciousness I slid the bowl in his direction and wordlessly tucked the now soaked rag into my coat pocket. I proceeded to light up a smoke and give my oldest friend the once over. He looked rough, the bruises were fading but they had really done a number on the little guy. Even as I watched the bones in his hand began sliding around and re-arranging themselves back in to proper working order, it didn’t look like a very comfortable process.

Benny wolfed down the food in record time and soon he looked almost normal. “What are you doing here Stilts,” he asked around a mouthful of food.

“I came to get my heart back Benny.”

“Really, with interest you owe me a lot of money where did you find that kind of cash”

Wordlessly I held my tattooed wrist out in front of the Goblin’s eyes which grew even larger than normal. “Is that what I think it is,” he remarked as he grabbed for my wrist peering at it closely.

“Sure is Benny boy, you can’t fake a Nob mark like that. So send the bill up town for me”

“Sure thing, is there anything else I can get you?”

“No, just my heart.”

Benny leapt up and rummaged around in an old cupboard, I could hear the sound of tumblers being turned and a safe being opened but I didn’t bother to look the traps on it were probably far worse than the items hidden inside would be worth. When Benny turned around he was holding in his hand a fist sized stone, grayish in color and covered in strange etchings. With a smile I took it from his outstretched hand and slid it into one of the pockets of my coat.

“Aren’t ya gonna ask me why Fats was here Stilts?”

“No Benny, I figure you’ll either tell me, or you won’t but right now I need to get to work, tell me over a beer tonight at the Thorn.”

The little goblin looked almost crestfallen when I told him I had to go, he loved telling stories almost as much as he loved making a profit. I left him in his store, his joy returning as he realized the large amount of gold he would be making for the return of my heart. As the door closed I could hear his parting words “I’ll only charge you half for that blood you mopped up Stilts, the first round is on you tonight.” I chuckled and let the door close softly. Remembering my unwanted shadow from earlier this afternoon I looked around to see if anyone was paying any undue attention to my person, but it didn’t look like it. So with heavy steps I turned to face Nob hill and headed toward the address Lady mystery had given me. The rain picked up in earnest and I thought that today was definitely going to be a long day.

The Desert of Black

The Desert of Blackness

The Black Wasteland stretched out before Him His journey was about to begin. The heat was oppressive as it rose from the ground about Him. The long stretch of desert devoid of life that he had to cross shimmered with heat waves, presenting the illusion of a vast black sea stretching out as far as the eye could see, the distance seemed endless. The first step was the hardest as He began the long journey across the black desert. He walked seemingly forever the heat baking the life out of His body, within moments His shirt was drenched in sweat and a permanent sheen was glistening across His brow. The glaring eye of the sun was slowly burning what little water He had within Him away. The sun, which appeared to be the baleful eye of some Demon God staring down upon Him burning the life from the surrounding countryside, only marched its stately dance across the heavens. As He reached the halfway point of His trek a stitch began to form in His side causing pain and discomfort. Yet far out in the distance He could see His goal shining silver in the oppressive heat an oasis of life in this vast dessert of death. The only life here seemed to be insects thriving off what food they could scrounge on the barren ground, no plants grew here, no vegetation to break up the endless sea of black. Closer still He came to His goal and the trek became more of a trial by fire, than a journey across a black desert, every step was pain every breath a scorching burning lungful of white hot air. Time seemed to stretch out into endless moments of torture each more dreadful than the last. The heat pressed down upon Him like a living being attempting to squeeze the life out of His already parched body. Finally He was mere feet away from His goal each step now was pure agony beyond anything conceivable, His feet felt like lead weights dragging across the scorched earth, to heavy to move yet to stop meant certain death. At last the shining silver object was at His fingertips His goal was at hand the vast desert conquered by His iron will. The enemy had been defeated and victory tasted sweet upon His lips. Yet in an instant His cry turned from one of elation and pure joy, to one of pain so profound it was as if His soul was tearing itself apart…He had forgotten his keys

Rumplestiltskin Noir

Have you ever seen the wings ripped off a pixie, or the cold and broken body of a gnome, I have. My name is Rumple, Rumplestiltskin and I’m the last detective left in Faerie.

It was a cold October morning, with the rain pouring down outside and not a rainbow anywhere in sight. The Queen of Fall was in full glory and all the trees looked like they had been set on fire, granted some of them actually had. The dame that walked through my office door looked like trouble, and smelled like heaven. She was high court, Faerie royalty, what she was doing down here in the depths was anyone’s guess, mine would have been she had a taste for the darker side of life, and I’d probably be right. When she walked through my door the light illuminated her like she was stepping out of a painting. The High nobility have a knack for that sort of thing, it’s like they can’t turn it off. This dame was gorgeous with a capital G. She slinked her way over to my desk and I almost had the urge to get up and offer her a chair, but you don’t get to be the last detective in Faerie by being a gentleman so I propped my feet up on my desk and lit a new cigar.

“What ya want Princess,” the smoke making my voice sound like gravel grating over cold bones, but I’m a troll so that’s almost an improvement.

“I have a job for you Mr. Stiltskin.” She replied in a silky smooth whisper that would have made lesser men melt, and stones stand up and beg to hear it again.

“Why, you nobles all have your own private police force up there on knob hill what do you need an old gum shoe like me for?”

“Because Mr. Stiltskin, I have been assured by my associates that you are the soul of discretion and can be trusted to keep a secret.”

“A secret like that sounds expensive, but I’m sure a leggy gal like you can come across with the payment, so what’s the job?”

Her eyes sparkled, and I almost thought I had pushed her too far but she just sighed and pulled out a cigarette to place inside the long black tube of a holder. Being the courteous fellow that I am I didn’t get up to offer her a light, and she arched an eyebrow as she produced a small flame and let it dance between her fingers. Magic like that wasn’t cheap either and such a flashy display let me know this broad was definitely on the ‘right’ side of the tracks.

She took a deep drag and sat down crossing her long legs slowly, making sure I got the full show. I would have told her that a goblin stole my heart a long time ago and such sights just didn’t move me anymore but I thought I should let her have her fun, besides, like the lady said I keep secrets especially my own.

“Well, Mr. Stiltskin…”

“Please, call me Rumple”

“Very well. Rumple, I need you to find an object for me, something that was stolen, and that I would like returned to me.”

“Ahh, and what exactly would this object be?”

“A simple bauble really, but it has sentimental value, a small jewel, a ruby, carved in the likeness of a Harlequin’s mask. It was taken from this address two nights ago. I can trust that you will be the soul of subtlety in this matter, and please if anyone asks, you aren’t working for me.”

She slides a small card across my desk, while I think to myself “lady I don’t even know your name,” the pure white of the card somehow instantly stained by the clutter and detritus that lies on the work surface. I’d feel bad, that whole lack of a heart thing really cuts down on the emotional responses. The card was blank, except for an address printed in perfect script, this had Noble Fae written all over it, and it looked like I was going to be sticking my broken, crooked nose in it all over again.

“All right, the job is gonna cost you 30lbs of golden straw a day, and I’ll need an expense budget as well if you want the job done proper. “

“Very well” and she pulls a long piece of parchment out of thin air, another one of those Nob tricks, “Sign this contract and all will be taken care of.”

I almost laughed; she really hadn’t done her homework, getting a troll like myself to abide by a contract was about as likely as getting a Nob to give up their true name or a fish to fetch. But I would sign it anyway, the gig was too good to pass up, which should have been my first clue to kick the Lady out on her high and tight rump and tell her to get lost. I decided I would pull out one of my old tricks and show the Lady that she wasn’t the only one with some magic. With a flourish I signed my name in blood red script without ever even touching the page. The smile that crossed her face was reminiscent of the cat that got the cream, and I could feel the tingle of magic binding itself on to my skin, around my right wrist a chain of fine holly appeared tattooed into my skin by the magic of the contract. It was only there for a second, but it gave me the first clue to my mysterious guest’s identity. It also told me that I was dealing with some powerful and binding magic, and that maybe I should actually take this job seriously. I stood with a wry grin plastered to my face, and held out my hand, you gotta give em a show, you always have to give them a show.

Her skin with silken and smooth, and slightly cold to the touch but I shook it with a firm grip anyway, you never let the Nobs see you flinch.

“Very well I do believe our business is concluded, I await your progress with eager anticipation.” She turned to leave but I stopped her with a gruff cough.

“There’s the matter of my payment madam,”

“The gold will be deposited in your account, and as far as the expense account goes merely show any merchant in the city that tattoo and they will provide you with whatever you need.” And she left, that wouldn’t be the last time I saw her pretty little rear end walking away from me, but it was the first, and boy was it memorable.

The first thing I did after my door closed and I was again alone was relight the cigar that had gone out, the second thing was to call my bank, sure enough the gold was there, all 30lbs of it. I decided to take a walk around town to clear my head, and let my first course of action present itself. The street is always where I start my cases and most often where I finish them too. The cold chill in the air almost had the bite of winter but we weren’t there yet, no, Winter wouldn’t be taking power for a few months yet and that meant that Fall still held sway. The smell of fallen leaves and earth was think in the air, along with the tang of wood smoke and other darker scents. I could have followed my client, tracked her by the perfume she wore, but that wouldn’t solve my most pressing of problems and so I took a left out of my building’s entranceway and headed deeper into the depths of the City.

My building sits right on the edge of the depths, straddling the border with High town, also known as Knob Hill. For about a mile on each side and stretching in a ring all the way around the city is the area best described as the neutral zone. It’s where the Nobs and the courtless mingled, where commerce was done, and where the seedier elements of the city could be contracted. I guess I would count as one of those seedier elements but I didn’t dwell on it too much.

The old brownstone my office sat in was like most of the other ones surrounding it; worn at the edges and falling to pieces in places but still serviceable. To the North at the center of the city was the palace, and the rest residents of the High Court, to the South were the endless depths and the outskirts of town. It was to the South that I turned and began trudging. Now that I had some liquid cash and a carte blanche expense account it was time to see a certain goblin about getting my heart back.

I picked up a shadow almost as soon as I left the neutral area and entered the depths. My guess it was someone calling to collect on one of the many debts I owed but I was wrong, and it almost cost me my life.

I had noticed my tagalong but didn’t really pay it much heed I was too focused on the task at hand, but when I felt a cold tingle on my wrist I decided to pay a little more attention. Whatever spell the fellow following me had tried apparently failed thanks to my brand new piece of body art and he was very surprised when I turned around and delivered a punch to his gut that must have felt like a ton of stone. He crumpled like a cheap suit and I landed two or three heavier blows before he had a chance to speak. When he did get a word in it wasn’t exactly what I was expecting.

“You must stop this course of action, you must turn back, you cannot give Her the mask.”

“Listen bub,” I said raising my fist to slap him around a little more, but he looked so pitiful I just hauled him up to his feet instead, “I don’t really know what you are talking about I’m just a fellow out for a stroll.”

His voice trembled and I almost thought he was going to cry, “You must not complete this case, whatever you do don’t give Her the mask you could destroy the very balance of nature itself.”

“Right, I’m going to pretend like I have the slightest idea what you are talking about, tell you that your message has been received and ask you to go on about your day.”

I turned and started walking again leaving the fellow standing with a forlorn look on his face watching me go, I certainly hoped that he made it out of the depths alive, he seemed like a nice enough fellow, which gave me pause because normally I didn’t have thoughts like that, which also meant I must be getting closer to my heart. Oh Joy, emotions.